Hello Readers,
Today has been a bad day for me emotionally, and for a better part of the day I just sort of shut down, checked out, and basically didn't do anything that was productive. I get this way from time to time, because I have a bunch of people come to me at once trying to get my help. A few of my friends and family come to me to solve problems, because I am a psychology major and that means I have all the answers. Thing is, I don't but I end up having to come up with a solution to the problems or I am just not left alone. So lately I have been in this 'problem solution' mode, and stopped taking care of myself and started worrying more about others.
All of this started when I lost 15lbs and decided to share that with some friends and family and then everyone wanted me to tell them how to do the same. First off, I want to start by saying that weight loss is not that complicated, and there are like 100 apps in the app store that can help you if you want to lose the weight. Secondly, I have told everyone that I am following my Jillian Michaels app and she tells me what to eat what my fitness routine for the day is and helps me track my calories. I am not doing anything all that special, but even when I tell them that in order for them to know how they can go about losing weight I get weighed down by a bunch of other questions.
I am just going to lay this out there for all my readers now so that way I can just get this off my chest. I am not a fitness or nutrition expert! I can't help you figure out your diet, or tell you what you can do to help improve your lifestyle, these are all choices that you as a person need to make. If you want to know how I am doing it, I started looking into different programs and found the one that suited me.
I was listening to a podcast by Jillian Michaels earlier today and she was talking about an eagle, rabbit, and a turtle. She said that the species were so concerned about what they couldn't do that it became their focus. The turtle wanted to run as fast as the rabbit, and the rabbit wanted to fly like the eagle, and the eagle wanted to swim like the turtle. Thing is, no matter how hard they try they can't become the rabbit, the eagle, or the turtle, they have to be themselves and that is really what fitness is all about. The only thing I can tell you is what I did as my base plan to dropping weight. I found someone who inspired a change in me, someone who got me to think in ways I couldn't and I listened.
It just so happens that person is Jillian Michaels, but here is the thing, just because her program works for me, doesn't mean it is going to work for you. You may do better on a program by Bob Harper or J.J. Virgin, but what it all boils down to is what suits you and your lifestyle.
I started by getting Jillian's book Unlimited, which was difficult for me to keep up with because of my dyslexia so I was thankful when someone kindly got me the audio version. I also listen to her podcast and listen to her book Slim for Life. This brought me in the direction of her app which I used at first to just count my calories. Then I learned that there was more to losing weight then just counting calories, that everyone's body needs different foods to function to be able to lose weight, AKA your metabolic system or oxidizer. These are things I can't tell you, so if you want to know how to start losing weight then that is a good place to start.
After months of research, and calculating gym memberships and whether or not I would actually go, I finally decided on paying the $4 a week for an upgraded version of Jillian's app. She gives me a meal plan and workout routines that fit my age, height, weight, and what i want my end result to be. So if you want to know all that information go to www.JillianMichaels.com and get started, I believe she gives you one week of free access to all the tools. I mainly use the subscription for support because I'm the only one in my life right now going down this venture.
So, there you go, now you know my secret, its that I don't have one.
Also, I have become this personal emotional bank for other people, because of my major. I don't mind talking to people and hearing about how crummy their life is going. I don't mind give some advice here and there, but what I do mind is people giving me their problems to solve. I don't have all the answers, and yes, I can eventually come up with them for people, but the thing is that all I do is get on google and search how best to help them. I am not a free therapist for people to come to, I am not even licensed as one. I seriously have enough of my own problems right now, that I don't really have the time or emotional capability to handle anyone elses.
The worst part about all of this, is the people who are coming to me for help, they know what is going on. I am looking at a second surgery for my hand, where they are going to have to break it in two places to get my mobility back. I am out of a job, I have car payments to make, and insurance. I have to make it to physical therapy twice a week that is a 45min drive away. I have to put gas in my car, and buy myself food, not to mention that I have to worry about when my LNI benefits will stop and if I will be able to get a job quick enough to keep my car. I have a lot of shit going on right now, and I love my friends and family dearly but it is like they don't see that I have enough on my plate because I don't have a job, and I just 'sit around all day'.
I don't know if anyone out there is unemployed right now, but let me tell you, looking for a job is the hardest job you will ever have. Not to mention, I just lost the job of my dreams, the job I thought I was going to retire from and you know what... I wasn't given a reason. They fired me without just cause, because I was within my probation period, shitty part about it, they sent me a letter in the mail to tell me I lost it. So, I truly have a lot on my plate.
With that being said, I don't mind helping out with advice, but there is a big difference between me giving advice and me solving another person's problem. I get that life has dealt some people a shitty hand, but guess what, it happens to all of us. Having to do all of this has actually taken away some of the things that I enjoy, because I can't enjoy them because of how stressed I am. I am pretty sure that 15lbs I lost isn't lost anymore cause I probably gained some of it back.
What all of this has taught me, after sitting on my couch and crying for a better part of my day, is that I need to just worry about me. I need to get my life together and figure out what I am going to do because if I can't answer those questions for myself, then I am doomed to work dead end jobs that I hate. I want to make something of myself, which means that it is time for me to get selfish and that is exactly what I am going to do. It's time for me to take care of me, get my affairs in order and then, if I feel like I am stable enough, I can try and give advice to people, but for now I am done trying to solve everyone else's problems.
I feel like this blog as slowly turned into a place where I rant a lot, but that's okay. this blog is for me, and being able to get all this off my chest makes me feel better than I did a few hours ago. Thank you to those who stuck it through this entry, I do appreciate all my readers and hopefully here soon I will be able to get on to happier, more upbeat entries.
Sincerely,
Gypsy
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